Tomorrow is another day.

Obviously (since I haven't posted for ages), I have not been making progress in my weight loss journey. In fact, I have gone backwards. Badly. I am certain I am fatter than I have ever been. But, tomorrow is another day.

My wonderful walking buddies and I are starting a weight loss club. A few of us are disgusted with ourselves and want to change, but can't seem to find the power to change alone. But together, we can do it!

Tomorrow I weigh and face the music. It won't be pretty, but it will be real.

I have hope! I KNOW I can get control over my bad eating habits. I KNOW I can be healthy and happy and feel good inside and out. I KNOW I am a person of value and worth and that I deserve to take care of myself. I deserve a body filled with energy and joy. I can do this!

AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I hope no one reads this blog. I was tempted to make it private, but I need the small feeling of accountability it gives me. I really really really hope no one reads it!

So, I weighed myself today. It was NOT pretty. I weigh more than I have EVER weighed in my life including fully pregnant with any one of my six kids! What is happening to me? Whatever it is, it has to stop. I am way past really caring that I'm fat. If I cared, I would have done something permanent about it years ago. But, I don't feel good. And that worries me. I have pains in my back and knees that I haven't had before. I am tired all the time. I'm lethargic. It's hard to concentrate on things. The list could go on and on.

So, even though I have publicly failed at getting my eating under control many many many times. I must try again. I cannot give up or I will be fodder for Biggest Loser and I don't want to let myself get that out of control.

I hate making weight the focus, but I don't really know any other way to measure my success. (And frankly, I NEED to lose some weight. I am a butterball with rolls I have NEVER seen before!)

So, here are my goals.

1. Exercise five days a week. I have continued walking 2 or 3 days a week for almost 2 years now, but I need to move it up a notch. I really need to exercise in the mornings because at night I am pretty pooped. I don't have a plan yet. (I know - bad!) But I will work it out!

2. No refined sugar for six months. I know this is drastic and most people think it is stupid, but sugar is my drug of choice. I seriously need sugar rehab. The only way I know to control it is to stop completely for at least a prolonged period of time. My mom was just diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in her back. She has to stop eating everything that causes inflammation. Sugar is a biggie. She is as big an addict as I am, so I will support her (and myself) by not eating sugar for the next six months.

That's it. I have only 2 goals at the moment. I will return and report periodically. I can and I will make some PERMANENT changes in my lifestyle so that I can grow old gracefully and continue to be physically active! I want to be the 80 year old who is hiking in Zion's, not the 80 year old who is napping on the couch! I'm 53 now, so I've got time to get myself back into fighting shape. I WILL do this!

Progress????

Well, I did it! This morning I braved the scale. Ugh! I am (again) within ten pounds of my highest weight ever. I get so frustrated with myself. I don't know why I cannot maintain healthy eating habits for more than six months. Why am I so stubborn!

I did make a menu and grocery list on Saturday. I have stuck to the menu and we have not eaten out this week. We did make one more grocery run for ice cream and milk, but that is all. If I will stick with this, it will save us money and calories!

I'm still walking. I have not added in the gym, but I will keep working on that. In the mornings I'm too lazy and when I get home from work, I'm too tired. (Not good excuses, I know!)

Quick update

So.....It's been almost two weeks since I wrote that last entry and I have managed to almost do ONE of my goals. Hah! Luckily I have an entire year to get it right. Here is a report on my progress:

1. The blog is resurrected, but I hope to write entries once or twice each week, not once every two weeks.

2. I have not even started with this goal. Our son was married on Friday, January 7th. I've had family in town since January 6th. My parents go home today. I already miss them (and they haven't even left yet) but I know I will do much better with this goal now that all the guests are gone. My small goal for this weekend is to make a menu for next week, buy any and all necessary groceries for that menu and then STICK TO IT!

3. I did start walking again three times a week. I need to add in 2 or 3 more days of exercise.

Actually, reading over this, I have made some teeny progress. That is better than none! I will keep moving forward (or downward, if we are referring to my weight!)

New Years Day

Well, today is January 1, 2011 and I am, of course, thinking about my goals. Here are my physical goals for 2011. I have three:

1. Resurrect this blog. I seem to do better when I have to check in. Even though nobody reads this, I am more successful at taking care of my body when I write it.

2. If I want to eat it, I have to make it. This goes for everything! It will not only help my figure and my health, but it will help my pocketbook! If I want dessert, I have to make it (from scratch!) If I want french fries, I have to make them (from scratch!) If I want pizza, I have to make it (from scratch!) Well, I guess you get the idea. It will require lots of planning on my part and will result in lots of whining on the part of my children (read "Brenna"), but it is a good change.

3. Exercise! For over a year, I have faithfully walked three miles about 3 times a week with the best walking buddies in the world. Right after Thanksgiving, I got really sick and stopped walking and I haven't started again. Today, I walked about a mile and a half and almost died! I was pathetic! I could barely make it up the hill. Ugh! But I am committed to recommitting! This year my goal is three walking days with my amazing walking buddies and two gym days each week. I CAN DO THIS! I want to learn to love to exercise. My sister, Joyce, and my sister in law, Chelle, and my sister in law, Mickelle, have learned this principal. This year, I will learn it for myself.